Starry Eyed Monolith Making Pornography & Snuff Films

from by Kai Straw

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I don't believe in many things anymore
It's not that God is farfetched, just far away from all of us
And I don't dream as often as I'd like to
I wish more than I will
admit, and hope without acting on it
Most can cope with this constant reach
but it comes so unnatural to me,
to want and not receive,
to keep trying without some type of victory
to have success, but not enough to combat misery

Can I muster courage from the one gut
that houses the nervousness that purges me of confidence
Can she do the same for her life?
Or are we doomed to pray for new lives?
Grams told me, Grandpa grew even more depressed before he died
And what's the say about me?
Am I the effigy
for all the molestees
and those murdered, prayed upon by their deficiencies
The conduit
I feel the weight of all your problems, Spence
when I go out to meet your daughter,
or Kellie, before I lost her,
or my brothers, who are stronger,
I feel like the weaker of us,

But I can't be,
we can't be,
We aren't the broken home
of the mind and body that
divorced when we were young and dumb
Are we those people
that feed off evil
Are we that person
the chosen cursed
Well, if we are, as demons we'll prey upon wicked men
and if our souls are poisoned, may they be saved by God or kin,
and if not, let me rot until death makes me whole again
do not greave my darling, I am not of men
I'm a soul trapped in a body
a nomad, victim to confining
the infinite, compressed inside the
constraints of time, the mighty

I have no more questions
Because the answer is within expression
Souls talking through art
not the words after a question mark
The calligraphy of an unseen dimension
occupied by truth that can't be viewed through known languages

I can't be happy and then notice it,
or I'll wonder why, stripping me of that emotion
It's a balancing act keeping strength and happiness
intact through the tumultuous,
through the compulsive wish for more than this

credits

from To Pearl Whitney, From Howland Grouse In Loathing, released September 6, 2012

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