Pinocchio: A Soliloquy

from by Kai Straw

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Produced/Written/Performed by Kai Straw

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I wonder what's around me actually
If it's all just coding passively
Controlling everywhere I'm going
Directing everything I'm knowing
If my muscles move [be]cause they want them to
And I'm tricked to think what I saw them do
Was my own move in this game of chess
When it's really them who's playing us
So I wanna have God in my veins
[be]cause I heard she saves
If this a game, I don't care to win
I'm not a hero, man, but she's a heroine
I wanna die free
Sent to heaven with a needle stuck inside me
Fuck an I.V., let my mind bleed, I be
auctioning my soul so God won't find me
I'll do blow with a broad
crack is a God, heaven's in a bag in the car
white lighter heathens
bringing bad luck to my fire breathin'
I wanna be gone
But gone is a term
Gone is a word
puts pawns in an urn
we're all gonna burn
and we're all gonna die
So let me get high, skip the stars in the sky
And I'll head to fuckin' heaven, take God for a ride, take God for a ride
I need a fuckin' dollar, sell my car and my pride,
car and my house and my clothes
sell my fuckin' kid if my spouse didn't know
Spouse didn't know that the house forclosin'
Clouds in my home, [be]cause my mouth still frozen
I've been chosen, finally I belong
So I ain't gonna move 'till I see God

"This sort of thing has cropped up before,
and it has always been due to human error."

See, life's just a puppet show
And fate's just a clever puppeteer
So I wanna get high above the strings in the ceiling
Check for the seams in my skin when it's peelin'
[be]cause I know I'm fake and nothing exists
I could rip my face off, replace it with a cyst
Then I wouldn't see shit,
Except for the thoughts in my mind
And I'd reinvent colors, and reinvent time
I'd be God and Adam and eve
and the wind combating the trees
would be patterns of me
But the home I think
Is a product of the puppet strings
And they find it amusing
That a pawn believes he's choosing
That a pawn believes in freewill
Like he chose the shoes his feet fill
I didn't choose these, I was forced in 'em
coerced like a porcelain doll who was molded in
a world to be
and I have to break so my soul can leave

I find my freedom in sock drawers
And it's not my fault
I'm just a puppet and they're playing with me
We're not in control
We're just part of a show
So shoot me higher

Gettin' higher now
I see my body below
And everyone's cryin'
My mom's in my house
and my eyes look dead, [be]cause my soul's comin' out
They gave us dreams as the escape
out of this game we're forced to play
And drugs were made
to force the dream on restless days
So bless the weeks when I could
sleep and dream in peace
[be]cause now I cease to exist
I plead to God to let me live
for the puppets in our hopeless fate
I love them more, then the show I hate
So let me go, tie the strings back on
I'd rather be a pawn than pass alone

credits

from The Tragedian's Decoupage, released May 18, 2011

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